lololololol born obnoxious

11:11 PM

like a heart needs a beat

My belated Valentine's Day entry. I wanted to write it sooner but decided to think through it and let the cloud of lovehaze pass me by first. It was low-key and pretty unromantic. But I learnt such a great lesson from it which is that I am a self-absorbed nutters at times. And only Ow tolerates it rather patiently and often bears the brunt of it. It started off crappily with morning tutorials and a lonely lunch. Em was really sweet in hearing me rant and being there via text. But all I really wanted was to loop off Ow's head. And I made it known to him in emo-laden and self-pitying messages. It wasn't his fault actually in retrospect and as I confessed everything to him that evening. I was just playing on the little fact that he was busy and an anti-commercialized Vday believer, to blow up my own issues out of proportions.

So I sulkily went to sleep and nearly decided not to go for our date at Gardens.
Wanted to blame it on time of the month but alas, it's still weeks away! So even as the alarm rang for me to prepare, I was lying in bed commiserating commiserating...

Then I realized there was a L'occitane paper bag next to my bed. And I peeked in and I saw a beautiful blue baggie containing a further surprise. And I got up, groggy with sleep and tears. And stumbled into my sister's room to see Ow who hugged me gently. He spoils me rotten.

I am resolved to get out of this spiral and chin up for his belief in me and us.

Finally, it's Lent and this is one season I want to observe with all my heart. Forgiveness. Reconciliation. Grace. Triumph over trials and temptations. Bearing of my cross daily and humbly.

11:57 PM

YES YES YES!


I had a really bad day. Horribly traumatising tutorial (My eyes. They burn. Please ask me for more details because they can't be revealed here. Char, remind me to tell you what I saw. OMG.) Shoes broke in school. Handphone got wet and the motherboard KOed. Ripped off by a handphone repairman. Aircon broke down officially at home.

And then the upside: revived the phone together with Jo and a hairdryer. Futon-like bed in my room kinda transforms it. Having an awesome dinner. AND this news that takes the cake:

9:16 PM

sometimes we can't make it on our own

A couple of days ago, I was quite intent on bitching about school and my horrid timetable but I've had a change of heart. It's just too self-centered of me to go on and on about how this new semester has dealt me a bad hand and that my 2 closest friends in school are off gallivanting...er studying...in another country.

Then, I took long soulful walks this past week.

Taking the scenic route to Kovan after tuition, past the old places that Holes and I used to hang out at. Strolling with a Marigold yoghurt to a bus stop along Pasir Panjang. Drinking teh peng out of a bag and ambling down Macpherson.

Also the Aussie friends are back! The bestest people to be with ever. Tan and Jess and lots and lots of suan-ing on Wednesday night. Holes and I hanging out tonight and I am so darn happy for her. My blissful longtime homie.

I am so grateful for all my good girlfriends. Char on Skype chat. Kandy and I having a long phone conversation last night and making plans. Em and I a couple of weeks ago after an almost-crisis. Talking until the wee hours of the morning. Ng's regular emails. Chipmunk's funny smses. Seehwei's heart-to-hearts.

I think that God is giving me this opportunity to appreciate my friends more. I don't think that I've talked so much with my friends in the latter half of last year as much as I had in this short one month. My girl friends who don't talk rubbish like the boys. As I get caught up in my gender imbalanced Poli Sci classes and only seeing Ethel, who is my sole friend from pre-uni years, on Fridays, I am thankful that I have had quality time with the girls in my life who matter so much. Honestly, boys just get so tiresome after awhile. Except for Crosby, my dad and Ow Yau Png. Even the latter two can be really annoying with their monkeying around.

I put this down to the girls' school syndrome. When's all said and done, it's the girls who have been there for me and who will continue to be there for me. I can continue to lament that half of them are halfway around the world. But I haven't exactly been the greatest friend. With age comes the drift. And finally, this IS life. So the precious time with them is always gladly held on to even as they fade into memories.

It's wonderful: being alone daily as I commute from place to place, being around noisy schoolmates who tease superficially, and the special feeling of closeness with another soul, are all so separate, so markedly different, yet they all contribute to making me snap out of my whiny mood, put things into perspective, and I can't help but say again that everything is so much more than okay.

12:42 AM